Monday, January 17, 2011

My mind feels very blowsy and windswept lately. Clear, but also sort of hollow. Some of it might be the weather, but some of it is probably a certain occasional jadedness I feel taking over with just about everything: art, love, daily life. A certain roughness in the fabric of things that makes me abrasive and hard-shelled. I am still sleeping more than usual and dream alot about building things, lately collages, but sometimes houses made from big blocks that look like words. I wrote a really good poem late in the week, probably the first thing I haven't dismissed as garbage in the last couple of months. Still I feel poetically stuck, like I'm waiting for something I'm not even sure I want anymore. Something I'm not sure I need so badly anymore as I did five or so years ago. So I will continue waiting some more. I have all sorts of things I could be working on, but there is always the missing ingredient, the missing piece, that prevents finishing the things I need to finish. This could be about love as well, though I have probably all the pieces but just can't put them all together or make sense of them. These moods pass pretty quickly then I am back to normal, but I've been trying to track the thought patterns that lead me here and it usually involves poetry, money, or romantic troubles (pretty much the sole sources of conflict in my head at any given time). I just need to kick them before they land me in a funk.

The good news is a certain amount of creative discontent does lead to certain hands-on productiveness. All weekend I've been watching old episodes ofThe Office and working on easy things like necklaces and hair clips for the shop. Also, some collages for a little zine project. Nice, simple work that keeps me in the world of the senses instead of in my head all the time. Since I'm working that odd shift I hate, there aren't any daylight hours in the studio, but once we return to the usual semester routine next week, I will have a big shop update once I can get some photos in the sunlight (provided we have any..I hear a cold (er) snap is on it's way)..

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