habit, creature of
Someone asked me this week whether I could see myself staying at the library forever, and I had to be honest when I said yes, barring the ability to make a living from my more creative ventures (nice but a little impractical) or getting laid off or fired (knock on wood), I'm probably not going anywhere anytime soon. Probably not even for more money since the idea of even having to search for a job is scary, let alone having to interview, having adjust to new co-workers, new expectations and duties. I have friends who change jobs, change cities, uproot their lives yearly and this terrifies me. Meanwhile I have had the same job for 10 years, the same apartment. I need stability to function, I need to know that everyday I am going to be doing roughly the same thing daily. Otherwise, I get nervous, anxious, sometimes even over the slightest variation. Maybe I'm just not adventurous enough. Even with food, I tend to order the same thing in cafes or restaurants on a regular basis, to eat the same dinner several nights in a row if I like it, wear the same sorts and colors of clothes. New places sort of freak me out. Readings for example wig me out a little, not because I'm all that scared of reading, but more going somewhere new. I tend to have a great time once I'm there, but the getting there is the hard part. And everything is harder in winter. I tend to like my little routines, sleeping late, heading to the studio for some work, heading to the library, a few hours of paperworky stuff, then circ desk duties for the night. Coming home late, dinner, working on some stuff, to bed around 3am. Weekends vary a little with more socially oriented things or hiding out and getting serious work done, but even those tend to be pretty routine lately...
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