notes & things | 2/2/2025

It being a new month, and having just finished up THE WOODS poems last week by the skin of my teeth to get the zine out before the month ended as planned, I took the week off from creative writing as I worked on paid writing things that I wanted to wrap before the end of the month. This means, after a Saturday in which I mostly took entirely off to go play D&D with friends, eat delicious tacos, and nap, today I was confronted with where to go next in terms of projects. 

Over coffee earlier, I made a list of things either in progress or planned. There are some older things that have associated art that I haven't yet started writing the text portion of. There are text projects that have sat abandoned for many years. There are others that I am undecided on if I want to do them, or combine them into other manuscripts and projects. There's a new collage project (see above) that may be hankering for poems. On a normal weekend, I would have been able to make decisions on this, but the society-wide fuckery of the past couple weeks have made it hard for me to dig in, or plan, or concentrate on anything. Even paid writing, which I try to get done expeditiously in the hours I loosely schedule (or am scheduled for in the case of HD) are overly prone to distractions and doomscrolling if I happen to briefly check messages or social media or the news. I thought that signing off FB and IG may help this, but I find enough to be concerned by when checking in on Bluesky or even just going over to post a link to a new article published. Its reaching new heights of ridiculousness with each click. I'm so glad this nation sacrificed 200 plus years of democracy for rabid racism, a few bucks off eggs (not even happening), and weirdly irrational fears about gender-neutral bathrooms.

It seems odd to be writing and working and going to movies while the it all sways in the wind. I was under the mistaken impression that safeguards were in place to stop things like this from happening, but either I am just wrong or they're moving in secret (I hope so.) The news outlets are mostly just as ridiculous in their non-coverage, leading me to pretty much rely only on international sites to even have an idea of what is going on. Mostly, I am angry not just at the right (especially the extremists) but also the news outlets that use language that only lessens the impact. The fear and hopelessness feels like the early days of the pandemic, though this time the US brought it on themselves, not nature.

All of this makes things I normally take solace in, like writing and art, feel superfluous and unnecessary, but perhaps they are even  more necessary. To weigh terror and beauty in a palm. To continue to make things even in a world that might not be habitable for them  I cling to routines and habits because they may be all I can keep from unraveling. I have a bad tendency to awfulize even small things, so separating the small things from the the big things is also hard. Where should I be worried the most? Where to focus efforts? Which are limited resources and which are abundant ones. How much can I engage with the news world and still be functional? How can I devote energies and finances to things who align with my values? (ie, goodbye Meta and Amazon.) None of these questions I have answers for, but ones to think about as we move into this month.

Or even maybe just self-care and non-creative things to take respite in, like cat antics and raspberry croissants and (increasingly more expensive) homecooked dinners. Things like wedding planning and going to the moves (we saw Wolfman and Presence last week, and are catching Companion and an anniversary revival screening of Seven tomorrow.) We also have a lot of theater outings coming up in February, with plays at Steppenwolf, Goodman, and as far afield as Aurora and Woodstock. Next week, we'll  be checking out the wedding park in person while we're out there, including layout, number of tables, how to arrange them, etc. Next mid-month paycheck (the first one is always largely rent and living expenses), I will be zeroing in on things like centerpiece fixings, tablecloths, and candles, so picturing what goes where will help since I've only been looking at photos. We will also be finalizing guest lists and compiling addresses. With rising prices, the budget will be even tighter I imagine on just about everything we will have to buy, and while J has recently picked up some new karaoke and DJ-ing gigs, which will help alot, everything seems prone to chaos and fragility I am not sure I've experienced before.  

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