notes to self

There is a tik-tok / insta reel trend going around that talks about former versions of yourself and how they would react to the current you and your current life, and it's a cute idea. Though admittedly, looking back when the span of years is so long seems terribly unruly and would take some time (I think the fact that most of the posters are speaking from the lens of their mid-to-late 20's just makes me feel old.) Neverthless, I was thinking of the very young versions of myself, from 10-20 or so. like if you were walking along and encountered that younger version of yourself and had a conversation with them. I'm not up for filming a video today and trying to get the captions to not be distorted, but I thought I'd blog my own little version.  

*My 10 year-old self would be excited that I re-discovered my love of clothes and fashion after decades of hiding my body and just trying to blend in. 

*My 11-year-old, binge-reading, self would be amazed that not only do I get to check out and read countless books from the library, but that I would work in them for 20 odd years.  

*My 12-year-old self would be sad that I would never be able to marry Corey Haim or Keifer Sutherland. or live in a vampire-infected beach town (well, I suppose the latter two are still possible, but highly unlikely.)

*My 13-year-old self, after my first heartbreak,  would be amused that I gravitated to funny boys/men for decades unhappily until I realized that sometimes humor masks heaps and heaps of insecurity and how to recognize it. 

*My 14-year-old self would be amazed, after getting her very first diary for her birthday, that I would be journaling and blogging on the regular three decades later. 

*My 15-year-old self,  who was all about dysfunctional dieting, would be happy that I was finally repairing my relationship with food and eating. 

*My 16-year-old self, who made her very first thing that could be considered an artist book, would be surprised that not only would I would not pick up visual art pursuits again until I was 30, but that they would then become the center of my creative life.  

*My 17-year-old self, reading The Bell Jar for the first time and being unimpressed, would be surprised to realize how obsessed with Plath I would eventually be in my 20's. 

*My 18-year-old self would be shocked that I did not become a marine biologist after all, even though I was so bad at the math parts of science.  

*My 19-year-old self would be amazed, after just beginning to write poems in earnest and send out work, that I would make a career of it and actually have published whole books of it. 

*My 20-year-old self, who was just beginning to discover the joys of thrift stores and flea markets, would be delighted that my whole life (closets, apartment)  is filled with cool, old things that I love.