Saturday, July 16, 2011

where my head is at these days

I always find myself surprised by how I never quite feel like a grown up. Part of it is that though I do conform to most of the criteria, I still feel a little like my basic moods and temperaments were set in stone in my early twenties and kind of stayed there. As I push further and further into my 30's though, I keep thinking that one day I'll wake up and feel like I have things figured out. Since alot of my friends and people I work with, tend to be younger than me, there's also this feeling of suspended time, which is actually really awesome, but always weirds me out a little when I meet people my age who have very different sorts of lives (ie mortgages, teenagers, retirement accounts. etc). Add in the fact that creative people in general tend to be immersed in a different sort of suspension. But I came the realization a while back that there is definitely something very different about the mid-thirties me from the early twenties me, which is mostly that I'm a heck of a lot braver these days, whether it's taking chances, putting everything out there, making hard decisions on everything from personal matters to creative ones. There's not as much fear anymore, that I will make a fool out of myself, that I'll fail, that things won't work out. Not to say I don't occasionally fall on my ass(obviously), but more and more I'm willing to weigh pitfalls and outcomes and just go with it.

1 comment:

chasing lightning bugs said...

lovely insight. mid 40s and i feel much much wiser. but still not quite grown up.