Last week, had you asked me how I was handling the coronavirus scare I would have told you I was washing my hands, trying not to touch my face, and stocking up in case I got sick on the off chance. I was ostensibly still going to have to be working, still commuting, still risking contagion. If you'd asked me, I was being careful, but had no choice but to go about in the world. It's strange how public fear and media and changes you. How isolation changes you. Yesterday, I left the four walls of my apartment for the first time in a couple days (my last day going anywhere was Friday, but Saturday, I retrieved my Amazon Fresh order from the lobby and some extra cat food drop-off from my friend with a car.) I needed to take trash to the dumpsters & fetch a package from the lobby (a new swimsuit bought on a whim last week when we got paid, for a small hotel overnight I probably won't be taking--or at least a hope / leap of faith for a summer when beach going will be possible.)
This was the routine I kept over the holiday by choice, and at the end of it, longed for more days as I headed back to work. . Though admittedly, it's far different to not really have staying home be a choice. But yesterday, I pulled my sweater down over my thumb to press the buttons of the elevators and the alley door handle. When I came back in I hung the sweater by the door and washed my hands just in case. It's bad time to have anxiety I suppose. (and mine is not even remotely germ-related.) I go through periods of being completely calm and determined to enjoy this little vacation from the grind, and the rest either sort of missing the grind, the other freaking out, lying in a fetal position on my bed, and binge eating cinnamon toast (and last night, chicken wings).
Nevertheless, today I am making a giant list and a plan, for both library-related stuff I'll be doing, press business, and creative projects. I cleaned out the dresser in my closet for the first time in years. I watched a couple movies (including Girl on the Third Floor, which was really good..) as well as a bit of the Baz Luhrman Great Gatsby, which I need to watch the rest of tonight. It also occurred to me, that if this was going to happen to the world, it's so much better now than 20 years ago--due to technology and connectedness (and though less crucial, ya know streaming video, music, and delivery options for just about anything. ) What we thought was just making our lives easier and convenient, now feels mission critical to keep us from freaking the fuck out.
