Next year marks another big reunion, and it's hard for me, even though I still interact with a few friends from HS on facebook, to imagine myself as the person I used to be then. It was a weird place to be, so uncertain in everything and terrified yet at the same time, but somehow more fearless, more brave. I am still pretty brave, but less and less fearless as the years go on. A good example: the last time I was on an airlplane was 1992, heading home from NC for Thanksgiving and it barely even occured to me it could crash. I was actually more afraid of not getting lost in the airport or missing a flight. Five years later, I would have been worried intensely it would crash but might have flown anyway. Ten years, and I'd be CERTAIN it would crash and wouldn't get on it(apparently I get more neurotic as I get older).
Sometimes, I feel sort of far away even from later points in my life, college, grad school (1st time around anyway, maybe even 2nd). The person who moved back here 10 years ago and started this very same job at this very same circ deskI am sitting at tonight even seems a little foggy and far away. And yet, at the same time, I always feel a little like I never change, that so much is the same, that you blink and ten years have passed without barely a whimper. That the details of my life, the dailyness, is very much the same--my work, my writing, my leisure time (what I have of it--have been pretty much a routine (with minor alterations) forever. How is it possible to be the same and yet so impossibly changed?