Monday, May 26, 2008

anxiety dreams

I'm curently working on a series of poems inspired by them. Besides all the recurring dreams that a lot of people have (plane crashes, tooth loss, dreams about work, test-taking without having ever been to class) I also tend to have a couple, in different variations, over and over again. They are actually similar, and I know, stem from the same anxieties. In one, I have to move suddenly, or leave during a distaster, and have to pack up my stuff in some easily transportable way, which is never easy. Now granted, these anxieties travel over into real life. I hate moving. I’ve lived in the same apartment for eight years and can’t even imagine gathering the impetus to be able to psychologically handle a move. Moving into the studio was draining, but easier since I was buying new stuff and moving it in, and not really as stressful (of course there are still a few things that haven’t yet made the move, since car access is limited.) Saturday, as I packed things to go to the antique fair I felt that same anxiety, even though we had use of a van and plenty of hands, I still was anxious about getting everything from the studio to the van, the van to the tent, and all back again. I don’t know why it freaks me out. I’d say it’s being much too attached to things, but really, as far as that stuff goes, I’m much less attached to it than my things at home. The other , and rather more common variation on this dream involves me having to wrangle up scattering things. Occasionally papers, sometimes children, often kittens for some reason. Because we have to go. Because nothing can be left behind. Needless to say these dreams tend to occur when I’m stressed. The fear they evoke is similar to the dreams I had when I was a kid of sitting n the middle of traffic and knowing I had to move or get squashed by an eighteen wheeler, but being unable to will my legs to move (thank god I outgrew those..)

1 comment:

jeannine said...

I loved this post.