It happens most often when I am out. I am in a crowd at a ballet, a play, or last night, a concert of some bands that J is into. At some point in the night, every time, I look around and feel both inspired and hopeless by the sheer number of people who seem to be interested in this thing--whatever it is---and how books in general, poetry in particular, will never garner this much enthusiasm and adoration from even a fraction of the number of audience members I am looking at in that moment. I suppose in some ways its positive because this many people are gathering around the arts. On the other hand, it kind of makes me feel like casting my lot to poetry may have been the worse thing to do if you are actually looking for an audience.
It is much less about adoration and famousness for me --which would surely be more realistic, if not entirely possible, were I a rockstar or a Broadway musical performer, or any number of people in the performing arts in particular that cull adoration and some sort of following. There are plenty of ways to become famous, these days, but I doubt most of us would want them. Maybe it's entirely more about connecting with an audience of any size and how it feels especially difficult as a creative in general and a poet specifically.
I've always envied the artists and writers who say they do not care much about how the work is received and derive their enjoyment from the pursuit of creativity and self-expression. That those things are enough to sustain you through all of the work and angstiness. But I am not one of those writers. More that while I don't really desire Taylor Swiftian levels of fame, I want audiences and readers to connect to my work on a smaller scale.
With all the internet buzzing lately on the sad state of traditionally published titles that barely earn their advances (as a poet who mostly self-publishes and has never had an advance even from trad published releases), I watched last night as every single person who passed by seemed to have not just a piece, but a load of band merch--t-shirt, giant posters--not to mention forking over hefty ticket prices. It seemed a crazy juxtaposition with books that most writers have to promote within an inch of their lives and sometimes even that makes nary a dent in book sales. Or even visual artists who are struggling to be seen and supported amidst ever-changing google and social media algorithms.
Occasionally people will say to concentrate on your art or craft and making something amazing and the audience will come, but I feel like that is mostly not even true in the least. It's more a mix of factors like community and chance that I see working far more efficiently than anything about the work itself.
