Very rarely do I see 5am's, unless of course, it is on the other side, having just stayed up til the wee hours watching or working on something or other. Lately, I sleep like the dead, but after a late night and early start yesterday, last night I drifted off pretty early and found myself wide awake at the beginning of a still dark morning. Normally, I would have just scrolled instagram until I fell back to sleep to wake up at a more reasonable hour, but today, I remembered a couple things I forgot to do before bed--filling the cat dish so they aren't banging it around in the morning. Pitching a couple things on upcoming horror to write later today. So here I am at my desk. I will no doubt head back to bed in about an hour, a time when my rhythms usually have me dragging. But right now, I am not sure if the day feels new or old.
When I was struggling to find a routine that worked to best maximize my freelance time, my own writing and art, and press work, I kept stumbling across videos and articles about writers who are up before he sun and already at work to take advantage of this productive, quiet part of the day. Many, of course, had children and spouses who were still sleeping day jobs to tend to later in the morning. It reminded me how grateful I am to live alone and have no ones schedule but my own to dictate my writing hours. And now, working on my own, not even the framework of a day job to try to write around.
I've always experienced, when left to my own devices, a tendency to stay up later and later and rise later in the day. Sometimes, this was glorious, like when I was in high school and college during those unencumbered summers. Other times, I felt like it was a bad idea..particularly in winter when so much of the daylight hours were spent sleeping, leaving only nights at a time when I am already mentally circling the drain. Earlier this year, after I was freed from the library, I did stay up pretty late, sometimes til dawn, and then sleep into the afternoon, but I found that my best productive hours were from noon to 5 or 6. Now I try to be up at 10, or at the latest 11, giving me some free time to draft my daily poem, sort emails, and check social media before delving into whichever writing project comes first. Though some days I just dive right into working. Lately, this is the film pieces, which are fast work usually swiftly posted during the days when the editors are on hand. I usually work on lessons or pieces for the antiques site after, then hammer away at the neighborhood guide bits or revise other things. Late afternoons and into evening, I have some scheduled hours for House Digest most days of the week and wrap up around 9pm to make dinner. I may do some more press work after dinner while catching up on Youtube videos or listening to music.
It's actually not that different from my old schedule at the library, where I worked 2-10pm, but so much else has changed, including no lengthy commutes (which totaled about 2 hours.) An ability to do other things like cleaning and making actual food throughout the day. An ability to schedule in things according to importance/deadlines and prioritize creative work some days. Mostly, I just appreciate the quiet of having a limited range of things to organize and keep track of.. the press/shop, my own writing, freelance work. No longer to I get bogged down in mind-numbingly boring paperwork and materials processing. And then there was the self-inflicted work of exhibits/events and promotion and leading the programming committee and taking on social media duties that I did--at first voluntarily, hoping I'd one day be payed to do them, but then slowly realized that that was never going to happen. Also, just the stress of trying to fit everything else around those 8-10 hour days and realizing I often was so focused on productivity and getting things done, I took little time to actually enjoy them.
Sometimes I feel like I've spent the last two decades at an elevated stress level and only now do I know what feeling different is like, like my baseline has changed. Now, I notice when I feel stressed or anxious because I do not feel that way constantly, but only on occasion--like if I feel pressured by a deadline or have to rush something or things feel tight, which actually doesn't happen that often now becuase I am not crashing around chaotically and burned out. I can plan ahead and work on things in increments. Have the time to hammer away in small doses. Even keeping a similar set of hours per day feels like an entirely different experience. I don't hit the weekend exhausted, no matter how much I've worked during the week.
I recently saw a Twitter thread about the 5 day work week and how unrealistic it is that we spend so much of our lives working..I actually don't mind this version of long weeks, and sometimes spend Saturdays as well getting things done and sneaking in some extra income work. Sundays are usually my only free day, though I have chosen sometimes to work on poem videos or editing my own work these days since covid has limited outings and other social things to do so I might as well get things done. But I move a little more leisurely on those weekend days. and definitely with less an emphasis on being productive. This may change as things get more comfortable pandemic-wise for me (if they ever do.)
Now, over my shoulder at my desk, the sun is coming up and I am going back to bed for a few more hours. I pitched my news bits, and faithfully fed the cats (who already have the morning zoomies but who will also go back to sleep and sleep the day away.) I also drafted this blog entry in this strange in-between time. Later, there will be coffee and muffins and a more official start to the work day at a more sane hour of 10 or 11...
