There's been a clip going around on socials about The Great Resignation and the number of people who regretted their decision, which many pointed out only asked those who currently were still seeking jobs instead of those who just retired or found better jobs elsewhere. So the numbers were a little skewed, even as they were, but I thought about this and laughed yesterday, signing some lease paperwork, when I realized for the first time that I have finally hit the point where my rent is the advised 1/3 of my total income. Like for the first time ever, after two decades of being at about half (a number that required a co-signer on my apartment, but that I was willing to do since I save on other expenses like not having a car / gas/insurance.) And that's even with my rent going up this year.
Last night I dreamed that I went back to my old job--why wasn't exactly clear, but I got the feeling it was because I felt guilty for leaving. I don't anymore, not now, when things worked out so much better than I even thought they would, but maybe somewhere in my subconscious I do for more personal reasons that have to do with friends that still work there and less with the job itself. Most of the time I am a little angry I allowed things to go on as they did for so long without doing anything about it. Granted, I was sad the whole dream that I had went back, but it was too late to do anything about it, and this caused me to wake up in a funk I only was able to shake by diving into my morning's work and refreshing myself with the excitement I know feel working on the things that provide me an income. Like a good income and probably at a wage I should have had years ago.
It does not hurt that I feel so much more present in other areas in my life that aren't the freelance work--in the press, in my own writing, in just my tiny household where I actually get to be at home with the cats and cook actual meals and keep the place from being as messy/chaotic as it once was. What I struggled with in the beginning, a structure and routine, I now pretty much have got nailed down, or at least a couple variations depending on how I spend my days. I do not miss venturing into the world, and outside of a smattering of people, do not miss my coworkers or the work itself. Nor do I miss the way my skills and abilities were taken advantage of without anything like reasonable pay (and the complicated thing is some of those people are the same people.). The jump was scary--you have no idea--my stability loving Taurean heart was in nots all through late last year, but once I made the decision, the relief never stopped flowing, even now.
