hello 2021

There is, of course, time to make resolutions in the coming days, but maybe not just now.  We slept in a little bit longer (well more than usual) after a late night in which many cocktails were made, edibles were eaten, drinking card games played (thus proving the speed of intoxication with only two players-wowza.)  We nearly missed midnight because we weren't paying attention, but it was fun.  I briefly hoped that the leftover champagne I managed to spill on the floor next to the bed groggily in the middle of the night and then mopped up with a pillow case before climbing back into bed was not an omen for 2021, but you never know. 

Today, there was a little more snow fall, but luckily I've been tucked inside with tea and still warm banana bread, and while it seems a perfect time for swapping out my journal/planner and beginning to think about the coming year, I am just going to sit with the stillness a bit more, the blank page of a year we've all longed to get to, though I'm not sure it changes much beyond the symbolism of a fresh start. 3-4 thousand people a day are still dying.  We have a new administration, but the old one is still being it's usual ridiculousness. The stimulus check, while helpful, was still very tiny and far less than people need. There are still people, including my own extended family members that think masking and distancing is a personal choice or opinion and not a public health crises. People in the government who believe this. Also people who still refuse to believe the illness that has killed closing in on 350.000 is actually even a thing. 

I think the past year with all of its limitations, did gift me a glimpse into people, when under pressure crucible-like , I might not have seen. The cousin of my mother who was spreading Russian-bot posts that buses of antifa were headed to Omaha during the summer protests.  The cousin who used his time making at least a dozen racist comments on articles about BLM that kept showing up in my feed. until I unfriended him.  Others who flout partying maskless in bars and at parties, as if their selfishness and irresponsibility affect only them and not the people, if they get it, they will spread it to who might not be lucky enough to come out of it.  It's given me a scary inside view into people's personalities and I am not sure I want to be around them anymore.  In this case, ignorance was bliss  I definitely saw the worst of people, but then sometimes I also saw the best in so many ways and circumstances when it comes to everything going on in 2020. The people who made masks and stayed home.  Who raised money and checked in on neighbors and helped people get through hard situations.  The two men,  barely out of teen years, who after witnessing the hit & run near the bus stop, didn't just stand there dazed like the rest of us, trying to figure out what happened but acted immediately, wrenching open the car door and checking on the driver, then kneeling there talking to them until the ambulance arrived.  

Sometimes it's hard , after a year in which bad seems to be everywhere, on social media, in the news, in the government to find the good, but may be better at seeking it out this year if nothing else. Or even more so, at BEING the good..