Yesterday was probably the closest I've ever gotten to bittersweet. I had some really amazing writerly news about manuscript #8, SEX & VIOLENCE (which I will spill particulars as soon as contracts are signed and details worked out.) I was sitting at my desk in the library when I opened the e-mail and then spent a good 10 minutes sobbing quietly to myself that the first person I probably would have told, would have been my mother. Sure there's my dad, who I will talk to tomorrow, and most likely I just would have face book messaged her instead of calling, but still it was weird. And there are friends and J, who I will tell when I see them in the next few days, but it's somehow different.
It's also weird that this particular book was the one that I focused my energies on pulling together all last November in the weeks after her death. The poems already existed, having been written from about 2015 onward, , and while I was still waffling over ready they were read through the early fall and finishing up the last of them, but I decided I needed to keep busy to keep from slipping deeper down the depression road, to get it done in time to submt to an open reading period ending at the end of the month. The book itself pulls in the blonde joke pieces, the love poem series, some slasher movie pieces and poems about Salvadore Dali, as well as the shorter version of the Plath centos. It's all about male/female power dynamics and love and sexuality.
So far it's a rainy weekend, so I am determined to do some more work on the latest longer book project in progress as well some editing on the EXQUISITE DAMAGE pieces I've been drafting this week for my daily writings. But despite having drank a bunch of coffee and eaten 2 blueberry muffins the size of my head, really all I want to do is take a nap at the moment, so I may do that . Also, tomorrow, some monotypes with some floral detritus I've been collecting this week. And finishing Riverdale and Picnic at Hanging Rock, which I have been switching back and forth between. (mostly becuase I'm pretty sure IZombie and Supernatural have new episodes available.) Part of me always feels like I waste my summer by staying inside way too much, but the rain somehow gives me permission to not feel so bad about it at all.
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