Saturday, August 06, 2011
erase / rewind
I've written before about erasure, about that weird sort of elimination of people from your world. It's odd to me..people you've been involved with in anyway, liked them enough to give them a place in it, can be be removed so expeditiously by deleting numbers, e-mail messages, photos, texts. In this case, it was a weird train wreck from the start last fall, but I was willing to keep giving it another go (some of this was vanity, trying to figure my own things out, convenience. It was also something that resurfaced around the time the whole R situation crashed and burned, so even though I was reluctant I needed some rebound action.) It was definitely a more casual thing, and between two busy people, that's all either of us could do (he was also quite a bit younger, which might explain some of the problems). But when the bad begins to out number the good, lately exponentially, it's time to cut bait and go. Every time we were together I spent a couple hours afterwords convincing myself that it was good to keep moving forward, and then after the last 24 hours, it became nigh impossible. My point is that hopefully, even though it's easy to erase people from your life, perhaps something good may come from it all...a poem, some greater insight into what I DO want, who knows?